@holypurgatory: A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LindaInDisguise: Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK.
@GingerHotDish: Sorry I licked my fingers before shaking your hand when we met, but I had Cheetos dust on them and I didn't want to seem gross.
@ShortSleeveSuit: Me [doing a lovely soft shoe routine and nailing it] Brother: Are you serious? This is my sentencing hearing Judge [teary]: Just wonderful
@MissHavisham: 7 came home to a “7” balloon on his birthday & asked “Why is there an upside-down L balloon here?” & I’m really excited because now I can spend his college fund on that tummy tuck with a clear conscience.