A lot of people don’t know this but if your child is screaming at the top of their lungs inside a department store, you can leave.

You Might Also Like


*Looks left*

*Looks right*

*Crosses road*

*Gets run over by chicken*


“Go out there, kid! Make a name for yourself-”
“Trent that’s not really what i-”
It’s Jamarcus now


Him: I don’t believe I caught your name.

Her: I don’t believe I threw it.


I woke up in the middle of the night to jot down this million dollar idea


I wish there were musical cues in real life like there are in the movies so I’d know when I’m about to do something stupid.


[invention of baseball]

Guy: I’ll throw the ball

Me: and I catch it

Guy: no hit it with a stick

Me: then what?

Guy: someone else will try to catch it

Me: what if I miss?

Guy: someone else will try to catch it

Me: you could just say you don’t want to play catch with me dad


*Takes ex girlfriend’s poem on Antiques Road Show*
Sir these are worthless
*Winks at camera*
Told you Karen!


This Male Order Bride is the worst and most expensive typo I’ve ever paid for.


I save the good stuff for when I have company and that’s why you never see it.


Me: moves 1 centimetre
Husband: I’ll take a bowl of ice-cream while you’re up