They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn’t mean to eat it. I don’t want to be a bug.
a murder of crows, a troop of monkeys, a pod of dolphins, a herpe of Kardashians
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I went from “easy peasy lemon squeezy” to “messy distressy lemon zesty” in ten years.
“I maul out of love” – Bear Supply
Bees disappearing is worrisome because of the environment but also there’s the possibility of invisible bees.
[me as a disc jockey]
me: you’re on the air
caller: please stop singing over the songs
Let’s have some fun! I’m up for anything today!*
*As long as there aren’t too many stairs.
Hahaha this stupid baby on the bus thinks they can cry louder than me
Apes stopped waving at us ever since they found out we evolved from them
“Congratulations on the baby! Childbirth is so beautiful!” – Someone who has clearly never witnessed the birth of a child.
Just misread a headline ‘Trump wins big’ as ‘Trump bins wig’. I thought: ‘about time too’.