@GingerHotDish: *Throws up some gang signs* *stabs self in eye with salad fork* Hubs: Next time you do the Macarena, put your fork down.

@lafpgh: He insulted my sister, and I let it slide. He insulted my mother, and I let it slide. Then...he insulted my tweets.

@huntigula: if you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape

@AllTheUglyTruth: (whispering): Siri, whose bed am I in?

@BlondAmbitionTO: I never know how to eat a banana in front of colleagues. To prevent making anyone uncomfortable, I use a knife and fork.