A reality show where chefs deconstruct recipes and IKEA customers put them back together
You Might Also Like
is it rude to throw a breath mint in some ones mouth while they are talking?
I try to explain to my kids during the movie that in reality, even a cowardly lion would eat a girl and a little dog.
Attention people with multiple people in your avi’s:
Draw an arrow pointing to yourself, OR replace it with a cat.
Thanks,
The rest of us
When a Nokia phone warns you about low battery, you have at least 1 month to find where the charger is lying in your house.
doctor: you’re completely blind
me: what are you saying
doctor: april fools lol you’re actually deaf
me: what
doctor: oh right
Do other animals have signature tranquilizers, or are horses just especially stressed out?
Scream movies would never happen in this day and age because every time the killer would call we’d just let it go to voicemail.
Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”
Me: Did you see this photo of Abraham Lincoln riding a giraffe?
Her: I’m pretty certain that’s been photoshopped
Me: don’t be ridiculous, they didn’t have photoshop back then
You’re playing checkers and I’m over here playing with this horsey
TEACHER: can anyone tell me what ostracized means?
ME: *hand up*
TEACHER: again, it’s not a workout video for ostriches.
ME: *hand down*
I am the physical and mortal manifestation of this sacred image
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
A 6-year-old told me he likes my costume. I’m not wearing a costume 🙁
That’s it. I’m printing my mom a hard copy of Urban Dictionary for Christmas this year.
My dancing style can best be described as “newborn gazelle being chased by lion.”
My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
unilever exec: look truthfully we don’t care if u put the q-tip in ur ear just stop when u encounter resistance
me: [already pushing it out the other side]
“This is the fourth lot of bacon to go missing this week. It can only mean one thing.”
“What’s that Sarge?”
“Someone’s building a pig.”
Overheard at the hardware store today …
Clerk: This interior house paint dries in 3 to 4 hours.
Customer: How much longer will it take to dry in the dark?
sister in law asked me to get yellow onion from the store. lady it’s called a lemon
“Grandpa, I can’t stop thinking about Santa’s sack.”
Me: Aww, sweetie. Run along now. Grandpa has to put that on the internet.
The key to office success is to only have one of two things out on your desk at any time, things you’re working on or things that make you look busy.
So this one time I was really upset and crying and this kid was like, “are you upset about your nose?” and I’ve never been so thoroughly owned by a child
Who needs human contact when you can just cuddle a pile of clothes fresh out of the dryer
“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.
If your kids are big enough to get on a ride without help, I will fight them for the last carousel horse.
ah yes….my favourite videogame
