A silly but epic reminder of what happens when one person stands up. š
You Might Also Like
ME AT HOME: Iāll eat a whole pizza & a tub of ice cream for dinner
ME ON A DATE: *just chewing on tree bark* this is all I need to survive
I see from the Before and After pictures that not only did she lose weight using the product, it also gave her a tan, makeup, and a smile.
Those who say English majors wonāt succeed in the work place underestimate how much creative writing is needed when completing the annual employee self-evaluation.
Me: You never told me you were on the debate team in college..
Her: Yes I did.
Me: No you didnāt.
Her: Yes I did.
Me: Oh youāre good!
ME: *opens car door for date like a gentleman*
DATE: *running and out of breath* PLEASE STOP THE CAR
[Harry Potter runs and smashes face into brick wall]
Sign: āPLATFORM 9 3/4 CLOSED DUE TO COVID-19ā
adam and eve had first world problems
Women arenāt hard to read
For example: When she looks you in the eyes, puts her hair in a ponytail, then starts throwing all your shit out
Youāre done bro
Wanna feel old? Helium formed for the first time 13.8 billions years ago.
my proudest tweet
Day 4 of quarantine ā my dog wants me to go to work
News: Hillary won the debate!
My friends: Bernie won the debate!
Trump: I won the debate!
Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!
Her: thereās something different about you
Me, slowly transitioning into a werewolf: HOWOOOOOOOOO do you mean?
Maybe I need to quit questioning my parenting and start questioning my childrenās childing.
I keep having this dream that Iām being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
When youāre here for the treats.
āPlease hold. Your call is important to us.ā
*writes novel*
*gets medical degree*
*walks from coast to coast*āPlease continue to holdā¦ā
Give one 6 year old $100 for its birthday and suddenly youāre invited to every party in townā¦I know what Iām doing.
Hey āgreatest generationā why is every thrift store filled with ceramic clowns
My parents bought my kid Guess Who with a timer because itās important that she learns stress at 4 years old
An empty box at the top of the stairs, the cat, an inevitable union.
[Office]
Secretary: Mr. Grey will see you now.
Anastasia Steele: I have a ridiculous name.
The only time Iāll care about Basketball:
Iāve never enjoyed my surprise birthday parties because all I can think about is how good my friends are at lying to my face.
when i met him, i shouldāve recognized the red flags because he immediately wanted to move in with me. 11 months later he still has no job or money and i canāt do anything without him watching my every move.
like, i know heās my son but heās gotta get it together.
āWaiter, Iād like to send this backā
-māam, I believe thatās your husband.
[batteries in my TV remote die for the first time since I bought it 4 years ago]
āUseless piece of shit.ā
The only way to make a cat like you is to cancel plans with them and ignore their text messages.
Me: Should we watch WandaVision?
Wife: Sheās probably too young to understand it
3: *draws a rune on the wall*
Maybe I have a bunny in my pants, maybe thatās why Iām putting this salad in my pockets, you donāt know me.