“Do you know what female deer are called?”
“Sorry – does you know what female deer are called?”
A Spanish friend working in UK happily for years reply to taunts re being kicked out: “Well, I can choose 27 other countries; you can’t”
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I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
My neighbors got so weird when I asked how many bodies they thought were buried in their yard. I meant roughly, not like an exact number.
Found the sock gone missing 7 weeks ago in today’s clean laundry.
Sometimes they come back, people. Keep the faith.
I can’t wait to stick my descriptive adjective all up in your noun until you verb all over my face.
The only time I’ve ever been a priority is when I paid extra for shipping.
[My band playing on stage]
New GF’s friend: Which one is the boy you’ve been seeing?
New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died
I was pretty excited about this box of elbows before I saw that it was only macaroni.
“Is this your resume?”
“It just says you used to leave shit at your friends’ doors, ring the bell & run away?”
“Welcome to UPS!”
I’m afraid of being murdered but only because they would record my stomach contents.