@Fickle_Filly

A starfish has five arms.
An anablep has four eyes.
An octopus has three hearts.

And you’ve got two faces.

A starfish has five arms.
An anablep has four eyes.
An octopus has three hearts.

And you’ve got two faces.

- @Fickle_Filly

You Might Also Like

@Blunt_Sarcastic

If the inventor of the iPhone battery ever ends up on life support in a hospital, I hope the back up power source is an iPhone battery.

@karencreets

Blah blah blah employee handbook, just get to the point where you say if you’re gonna drug test me or not

@HatfieldAnne

Any animal that has a face CAN SPEAK. They’re just being stubborn.

@brynnester

I’ll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

“I am your Father”

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end

@dafloydsta

ME: Hey they’re playing our song.

HER: This isn’t our song.

ME: [turning up “Go Your Own Way”] Yes it is, Karen. I want a divorce.

@skittle624

Just took my 3 dogs to the vet, so the family will be feasting on ramen noodles, beans, and no name chips for the next few months. At least the dogs are taken care of.

@ArfMeasures

*burst into doctor’s office*
ME: I’m no longer canstopetid
DOCTOR: You mean constipated
ME: No I’ve had a vowel movement
DOCTOR: Get out

@NotARatsAss

Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.

@NewDadNotes

Daughter: dada is Aquaman a mermaid?

Me: no honey.

Daughter: he can swim and breathe and talk underwater like a mermaid.

Me: yes but he has legs.

Daughter: Ariel has legs too.

[later]

Wife: I rushed home what’s the emergency?

Me: I think Aquaman might be a mermaid.