A stunning example of cloud iridescence, caused by small ice crystals scattering the sun’s rays, filmed in Narathiwat, Thailand.
Credit: Orawan Thongchinda
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Breath escapes my broken body. I collapse amid dark, icy spears of pain. The fight’s done. It’s over.
GYM INSTRUCTOR: You’ve done 9 seconds
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out..you have issues bro
Voldemort: I’m here to kill Harry Pott- [struggling to open baby gate]
James Potter: push down and then pull back
Voldemort: I am [still struggling]
Lily Potter: jiggle it he needs to jiggle it
Voldemort: I AM JIGGLING IT; You know what forget it I’ll come back when he’s 10
Chuck Norris once gave an uppercut to a horse!
Now we have Giraffes.
A midwife is just the wife between your first and third one
Who called it condensed milk instead of mk?
Can I do this?
-Kids, while doing it
Anyone want to do the laundry for me? Im exhausted. I can pay you in beanie babies or hot monkey sex.
The monkey’s name is Earl. He bites.
The world’s worst witness
Me: Then he tore off on some kind of donkey with round legs.
Police Officer: Do you think it might have been a motorcycle?
Me: You know, that’s probably what it was.
My boyfriend’s bike was stolen out of our backyard today. It was meticulously locked up around our fence, so you might ask me “Kaitlin, if it was so meticulously locked up on the fence they how did they steal it?”
That is because they also stole the fence.
To keep track of us all in the 50’s mom just hung us up on the clothes line.
Fortunately, I’m just tall enough to see out of these 2 holes in my face
Everyone hates millennials until it’s time to convert a PDF into a Word document
doc: i think you’re dying
me: I want a second opinion
doc: i think it’s great
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on Twitter right now…..
Twitter: You already tweeted that.
Me: I ONLY HAVE TWELVE JOKES.
Every single headline could read: “Idiots Continue To Do Stuff”
My daughter is playing “Away in a Manger” on the recorder if anyone wanna come over.
My kid just ended a call with his teacher by saying “this call has been going on a bit too long bye” and honestly, goals.
Eat…
Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, “I got you a present!”
friend (via text): can I call you right now?
me: no. i’m not near my phone.
“I’m constantly quoting myself. Like right now, for instance.”
I just said that.
(holding a pickle like a cigarette) do you mind if i?
“College looks so fun I bet your camera roll is insane”
My camera roll:
[at the ballet]
“Their feet must be killing them. Why don’t they just hire taller ballerinas?”
sex so good you start seeing dead people..
oh wait, I’m in a morgue, scratch that
If I see someone stumble, catch themselves, & madly start looking about to see if anyone saw, I always make sure I make direct eye contact.
bitcoin? isn’t that how people checked if gold was real?
Taking my winter tires off but not putting my summer tires back on. I’m done with the tire bullshit.