@dreamthievin: A true Columbus Day sale in a mattress store would mean all the merchandise is infested with smallpox
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@gobmentcheese: Lying dead in a closed coffin at my funeral, and yet somehow I still manage to spill mustard on my shirt.
@drinksmcgee: [Park] Parent 1: That's my kid on the slide. Parent 2: That's mine on the swing. Me: The one spray painting "Slayer" on that baby is mine.
@Brampersandon_: Hey where's Brian? "Oh he's taking a p_ _p" A what? "Um dropping a d_ _c_" Huh? "Taking a sh_t....Uhh Cr_p!" Oh! He's evacuating his vowels?