@bingowings14

A tweet about the Titanic & speech impediments?
Unthinkable.

You Might Also Like

@ThatBrenna

If you lose a tooth in a bar fight and put it under your pillow, the tooth fairy will leave you $100 because you’re hardcore.

@Crunk_Jews

This midlife crisis has a lot less bank heists and high speed car chases than I had imagined.

@thtchicmichelle

Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven’t heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he’s okay.

@Cheeseboy22

I just googled “Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don’t Fear the Reaper?” and my first response was, “Go outside and do something.”

@themeredith

I love when guys ask how big my tits are like as if men have any idea what bra sizes mean. I could tell a guy I’m a WD-40 and he would be like “omg so hot”

@MaryJustice86

My IUD provides me with 99% birth control effectiveness, but my husband’s dirty socks on the floor comes in at an impressive 100%.

@CloydRivers

Hey ladies, No Shave November ain’t for you. Just saw some gal lookin’ like she was tryin’ to smuggle a cactus in her yoga pants. Merica.

@AnExocticBeach

I’m always confused at fancy restaurants. Which spoon do you throw at the screaming toddler?

@AsgardianRose

You know how people play video games by pushing all the buttons at once?

That’s how I’m handling adulthood.