A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills đ
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Aw, crap. My airbnb has one of those cellars with a man locked in a cage who claims heâs just a normal man who was kidnapped but the property owner says heâs actually the devil in human disguise and if I let him out, his evil will end the world.
AND the wifi is spotty. Christ.
donât be scared
âhey, arenât you the guy from high school who would disagree with everything?â
no
*goes back to group of friends*
was it him?
âI donât knowâ
Still finding Easter eggs hidden around the house which is especially scary considering I live alone.
Iâd hire this kid in 10 years.
My 10 yo is talking to me past 9 pm. Why is he attacking me like this?
Donât forget to wear your best clothes to church because Jesus was all about one-upping your neighbour with fancier duds.
Me: Who cares what astrological sign you are? Phhht, that stuff is so silly.
Also me: Iâm logical and scientifically minded because Iâm an INTJâŚ
Cat owner : wow my pet cat really likes you
Me: yeah well thatâs just because I have at least 2 sardines in my left pocket at any given time
Me: Powers out. Iâll eat all the food in the fridge so it doesnât spoil
Wife: You just turned off the lights
Me: *3 tacos in my mouth* what?
Iâm not afraid of dying. Iâm afraid of ending up in a nursing home with a roommate who has Justin Bieber posters and Twilight shirts.
Thought I saw a brownie walk by but it was just my dog. Other than that, diet is going well.
We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know weâre in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER
Penguins canât fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I donât have to clean penguin shit off my car.
I donât have emotional baggage , I have got a small carry on griefcase
Twitter should really come up with a âTemporarily hide userâs tweets until user gets their shit togetherâ button.
The year 2077. Due to the dog filter, face swap, and distortion filters, senior citizens have no idea what they really looked like as teens.
my boyfriend just said âi encourage you to try all thingsâ to our cat who was licking up buffalo sauce
Canât, going through the work email I just wrote with a fine tooth comb to eliminate all traces of sarcasm, opinionation, and existential despair.
After dieting for a week and losing nothing, I cheated one day and gained a pound. Follow me for more reasons to run into a brick wall head first.
âRead that againâ
No thanks, it sucked the first time.
Ex-Wife: hey kids who wants to go for an ice cream sundae?
Me: [trying to one-up her] hey kids who wants to go for an ice cream RIGHT NOW!
My annual evaluation was today at work.
Iâll be riding this âexceeds expectationsâ high for weeks.
I swear we are fighting two pandemics
Covid 19 and Stupidity
A really fat friend sat on her cat, long story short â now I can add search & rescue, proctologist and vet to my resume.
If homosexuals come out of the closet, do necrophiliacs come out of the casket?
Remember when we realized dinosaurs were really just giant birds and people were like âoh well thatâs not very terrifying anymoreâ and then everyone whoâs ever met a goose was like IT IS IN FACT MUCH MORE TERRIFYING NOW
[McDonaldâs interview]
Interviewer: what if someone asks for ice cream when the machine IS working
Me: *roundhouse kicks the ice cream machine*
Sorry itâs out of order
Interviewer: when can you start?
Please enjoy this video of a baby eating queso for the first time