A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills đ
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this is my favourite piece of literary criticism of all time
Like my wife always says, just because Iâve never seen it before doesnât mean I didnât lose it.
For International Womenâs Day, Iâd like to recognize my sister wife. Without her Iâd have to manage my kidsâ timeouts and nag my husband all by myself. Thank you, Alexa.
I need to sieze this.
âWell ⊠Iâll be dammed.â
Bodies of water when they see beavers coming.
Me: Your hair smells so good. Which shampoo is that?
My Boss: This is inappropriate
Me: Your skin is soâŠ
My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!
When you work at McDonaldâs they put Mc in front of your name. Unless youâre called Beth. Then youâre known as âthe Scottish playâ
âToddlerâ is such a funny term. At no other age do we identity someone by the way they walk. âMy slouchy strider got detention today.â âMy hunched shuffler keeps forgetting to take his meds.â
When I see a âHow am I driving?â sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence
I didnât think a McDonaldâs Happy Meal would fill me up, but it didâŠ
OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
I asked my wife for an audio book and she got me an encyclopaedia. That speaks volumes.
Had to get a new washer dryer (17 yrs! Thanks Maytag) and the guys installing it asked âyou didnât make this your wifeâs Christmas present right?â
âNoâ
âCause the guy at the last house did and that was a bad scene manâ
Synchronized diving would be far more interesting without the pool.
HULK:*smashes a tank*
IRON MAN:*flies bomb into space to save mankind*
HAWKEYE: I have an arrow w/ your name on it pal, hold on stand still
Him: Should you be eating that much chocolate?
Me: Should you be using that much oxygen?
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs.
For a second, I thought, âShould I help?â
Then I thought, âNoâŠ6 should be enough.â
*Tries to pet the K-9 unit dogs while Iâm hiding from them under a car in a parking lot*
Friday the 13th doesnât even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now. đ«¶đœđ«¶đœ
my cat just made eye contact and walked over to the vent and vomited directly into it. well played, sir. well played
A bridesmaid, but itâs just someone to hold the bottom half of my CVS receipt.
Current status: I just turned on the garbage disposal so the cats wouldnât hear me getting the cheese out of the fridge.
*pulls up to drive thru window
Hi yes, do you guys deliver?
Gets drunk.
Drunk: Oh Iâm so gonna get you back.
FUN GAME: Ride a bicycle with an empty baby seat on the back down a busy street whilst loudly saying âYouâre being VERY well behaved.â
Employee: Everything I eat goes right through me.
Me: Yup, thatâs how digestion works.
Mariah Carey beginning with âI donât want a lot for Christmasâ and then revealing she wants âyouâ is such a good burn
my husband had a friend over for drinks last night and i woke up to this and what the hell happened?????
Dog Morpheus: Ok, Dog Neo. You take the grey pill, you wake up in your kennel. But if you take the GREY pill â I will show you the Matrix.
Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird â I didnât even know horses could live underwater.