@SufficientCharm: A woman isn't really heartbroken unless she does something drastic to her hair.
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@TheCatWhisprer: I’m only human — unless I have to figure out a captcha, then I am unable to prove that I am a human.
@Crutnacker: Biden: Showed Trump our terror briefings about Equestria. Obama: Equestria? Isn't that My Little Pony? Biden: 😉
@XplodingUnicorn: My 7-year-old asked for her first alarm clock for Christmas. We just got it set up. I've never seen someone so happy about having their life ruined forever.
@DiscoFruit: me: *lights cig* do u smoke? girl: no, cigarettes killed my father me: oh, cancer..? her: no, an army of them, gunned him down me: wait what