@robyn_vo: According to my cousin's diploma, he graduated from an "Institute of Fine Farts" because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.
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@NurseMurderer: Backstreet Boys: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Me: *slow dances with cats around a pot of mac & cheese*
@RobDenBleyker: Wait, you didn't let me finish. What I was trying to say is Hitler was largely misunderstood by people who don't speak German.
@dadtellsjokes: Dad:I don't trust those trees..... Son: Why? What do you mean? Dad: They seem kind of shady
@NewDadNotes: God: you have razor sharp claws. Cat: yes! God: and knife like teeth. Cat: yEs! God: you’re basically nature’s perfect killing machine. Cat: YES! Angel: uh God, what if they try to take over the world? God: don’t worry [picks up laser pointer] just give the humans this.