Interviewer: “Describe yourself in 2 words.”
Me: “Atinubs. Econsibu.”
Interviewer: “You’re hired. Welcome to CAPTCHA.”
According to my cousin’s diploma, he graduated from an “Institute of Fine Farts” because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.
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Sorry I called your baby ugly
I should have just gave the more socially acceptable “Aww.. looks just like you!”
You aren’t supposed to strip during Zumba. Apparently.
BILLY JOEL: Only the good die young.
CLIMATE CHANGE: Actually I’m not gonna be picky.
I didn’t think a McDonald’s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did…
OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Tell me again how your unborn child will not see a screen before she’s 8. I want to write down your exact words.
Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” has never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.
*Handed a baby*
Awww he’s so cute. Do you have anything quieter?
3 just informed the cashier at Target, that mommy has a tiny mustache in her underwear.
So the weekend is off to a great start.
“Well, very clearly cats were sacred to them.” – Archeologist who discovers the Internet