@SvnSxty

*ad for swiss army knife*

Do you need to open your wine and also keep others away from your wine?

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@LnL245

If only the person that named “walkie talkies” had been in charge of naming so many more household objects.

@AndrewChamings

date: I like men who aren’t afraid to take risks

me: [to waiter] horse please

@donni

Strawberry is a terrible name. “Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw,” you’d think. But you’d be wrong

@NATxHAN

Had a 6″ sammich from subway today, and it totally didn’t fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I’m so, so sorry.

@moprob1ems

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