Honey Boo Boo changes name to Sugar Scab.
Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.
You Might Also Like
Homeless people are so lucky. They don’t have to pay rent and can eat as many pigeons as they want.
[after Simba is presented to the animal kingdom]
Mufasa: thx for coming, now join us for the celebratory feast
the antelopes: wait, the what now?
Listerine, for when you feel like killing all 10,000 taste buds at once.
Funny that Lebron couldn’t even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs
Liar is such a harsh term, I prefer Politician
My wife & I couldn’t agree on which psychic to go to. They were all sad and depressing.
“What did you do?”
We finally found a happy medium
Mom: Did we pack everything? The stupid baby monitor?
Dad: Ugh I hate that annoying dumb thing!
Tiny Monitor Lizard: Ok wow I’m right here
WIFE: you need a haircut
ME: I do not
WIFE: *whistles and a little bird pops up on top of my head, chirping*
ME: shhhh, she just had babies