i’m the girl your mom warned you about… long nails, big eyes, purple tongue, green skin. i’m reptar. i’m reptar from rugrats.
After my kid listened to that song on repeat for 3 hours, I’m pretty sure the fox said I should take a xanax.
You Might Also Like
– Fred, Velma, Shaggy… Can you name one of the ‘Big 5’ African animals?
– We know you do, Scooby, but it’s not your team’s turn
Brain: Compliment her eyes
Brain: Trust me
“YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY’RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO.”
The most uncomfortable moment in my day is the time spent waiting in silence while someone searches for a ‘funny’ YouTube clip I *need* to see.
The inventor of the elevator should be credited for the birth of awkward silence as well.
my ex has had a really hard time moving on. from what i can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
An ambitious bodyguard can specialize and become a shin or mouth guard
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I’d turn the radio down.
Her: You look great without glasses
Me: I don’t wear glasses
Her: *putting them back on* I do
The fastest land animal is me when I’m upstairs and hear my dog about to throw up in the living room