@Reverend_Scott: [stubs toe] "GOD DAMMIT" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]

@aka_fatman: Morpheus: If you take the red pill, I will show you what the Matrix is. Neo: *ingests pill* Whoa. Morpheus: It's also a powerful laxative.

@daddydoubts: Me: lol this guy is drunk after only two beers. Wife: stop giving our toddler beer.

@sonictyrant: TRAVEL AGENT: thats your flight booked sir, where would you like to be seated ? ME:*nervously* inside the plane

@Lunatic_times: Damn you bladder stop releasing my precious beer.