Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat
Bird 1: All he had was one rock.
Bird 2: His aim was perfection.
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The older I get, the less judgy I am of Norman Bates spending his life with a dead lady in a chair
My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.
[looks at text from 2 days ago]
Me: Sorry about your car, do you still need a ride home?
Me: *giggling* no, I love you more.
Him: who are you and how did you get inside my house?
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
The look on my husbands face while watching a Victoria’s Secret commercial tells me exactly where all my catalogs went.
My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it’s the lightning that will kill him.
Me: It’s ok if they stay a little damp
Automatic hand dryer: I SHALL DRIVE THE WATER FROM YOUR VERY BONES
When I say ditto after someone tells me they love me, it doesn’t mean I love them. It means I love me too.