@Derrick_Snyder: Twitter: What do our users want? Users: An edit button and relief from spam/abuse. Twitter: Novella-length Tweets it is!

@Cheeseboy22: A terrible baby shower game idea is called, "Have a man come in and guess which woman at the shower is pregnant."

@rad_milk: i replaced babies in these pictures with hotdogs to show america what really matters

@Roxtalled: Boss: Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact? Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.

@HenpeckedHal: When someone tells me that the best part of their job is getting to talk to people all day, I'm too frightened to ask what the worst part is.