@tarashoe: ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth
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@Derrick_Snyder: Twitter: What do our users want? Users: An edit button and relief from spam/abuse. Twitter: Novella-length Tweets it is!
@Cheeseboy22: A terrible baby shower game idea is called, "Have a man come in and guess which woman at the shower is pregnant."
@rad_milk: i replaced babies in these pictures with hotdogs to show america what really matters
@Roxtalled: Boss: Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact? Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.