@tarashoe: ah, mercury's going retrograde, that explains why i accidentally squandered my entire youth
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@DanMentos: [grabs mic during TED Talk] They're towing a BMW in the parking lot *crowd goes apeshit*
@kirsthalliwell: Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life???
@protolalia: Me: You're kidnapping me? Where're we going? Can we feed my cats first? Is there a ransom? Cool van. My name- Him: Changed my mind. Get out.
@danjan13: No, I can't come to your wedding. I just realized the remote works through the blanket.