I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing….It didn’t take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women…
ah shit, i accidentally left my gender reveal pressure cooker on a crowded train
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If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them.
It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
To all those out there named Christian but are atheist,
The rest of us
Maybe your jeans are distressed because you’re wearing them?
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Boss: We’re having a meeting at noon for future managers
Me: Will there be lunch?
Me: I don’t want to be a manager that bad
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
My Rice Krispies were speaking in tongues this morning, so I’m pretty sure the end days are near.
ME: 50 Cent has to clone himself to be able to go to the Dollar Store.
DATE: Do you ever listen to yourself