My wife and did it twice yesterday and we didn’t use any protection… I’m worried we might have twins.
ah yes writing, that thing i do where i open a word document and then get up and start cleaning my entire house
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I can’t help but feel that if Mario hadn’t been taking so many mushrooms he would have found the right castle rather quickly..
I want my remains to be scattered all over the beach when I die.
Also, I don’t want to be cremated.
And suddenly the neighbors who left their Christmas lights up all year seem like geniuses.
My parents reacted to recommending they try Venmo the way I react when my kids use their feet to eat things that aren’t food.
All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:
Just Googled “Candy cane prison shank”
god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth
sun: sounds good
god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves
moon: hell yes
Wait you *must* be the aunt I’ve heard soooo much about. The one who looks like Freddie Mercury and laughs like a jackal. Is this her honey?
[security patting down mouse]
“Any cheese on your person, sir?”
[waves another mouse over them like a metal detector wand]
If you love something, set a cheese trap. If you catch it, it’s a mouse. Why are you in love with a mouse?