AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.
You Might Also Like
“Omg there’s a picture of him blowing smoke out of his mouth. I must bang him this instant”- no one, ever.
50% of modern life is trying to figure out what’s beeping.
This is up on a telephone pole in south Minneapolis and I am dissolved in laughter:
You can say “Holy shit” in the waiting room of any a plastic surgeon.
But I don’t suggest you point.
Sure I get excited when he unzips his pants. I’m pretending it’s the sound of his body bag.
*Jesus, bursting out of a chest cavity, spraying the room with blood and viscera*
“My God, Johnny? DID YOU LET CHRIST INTO YOUR HEART?!?”
I know we are supposed to be worried about AI but I’ve been watching my Roomba throw itself off the stairs every single time I’ve ever used it I think we’re OK for a minute
I was just at my neighbors house with my kids and a bunch of other neighbor kids and the host asked a 3yo if she could get her anything and the girl goes “could you bake a pie?”
My neighbor, whose name I thought was Chuck (for two years), told me his name and I immediately forgot it.
Me: I’m an expert at identifying birds
Her: OK, what about those ones flying over that tree?
Me: Yup, they’re all birds
All along the watchtower, people squinted and said “I told you we should have built a clock tower.”
One-year-olds do not care about your carefully arranged baby activities or the toys designed by professionals. One-year-olds wish to fling wide the portals of the kitchen cabinetry and make it a temple to Chaos. The children yearn for the rummage
Kids make friends in 5 seconds, adults make friends in 5 drinks.
It finally happened.
After living here 11 years, my neighbors finally caught me outside and introduced themselves.
I know the English colonized the world and all, but it’s hard to take them seriously when they create recipes like “bubble and squeak” and “toad in the hole.”
This is your captain speaking. Grr..this is your captain growling. Mooo..this is your captain mooing. I can do anything. I’m the captain.
That feeling when he says you look angelic but you don’t know if he means you look really pretty or if you have an abnormally high number of eyeballs.
Kids going as Batman for Halloween should not be accompanied by parents unless those parents are dressed as ghosts
Me *secures my kid’s seat belt*
My kid: Are we there yet?
FLORIDA MAN SUFFOCATED TO DEATH AFTER HAVING SEX WITH PET ANACONDA
My 2-year old son wears a “Jurassic Park” t-shirt like he’s some big fan but I know for a fact he’s never seen it.
Don’t be a poser bro
who else gets a little disappointed when the emergency broadcast test isn’t an actual emergency? it’s like, hurry up already aliens
Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas
HBO’s Cookie Monster is much darker
Me: If I had a superpower, what would it be?
6YO: Being nice. Not yelling.
Me: Really?
6YO: Oh, I thought it was like which ones did you need.
Me:*opens mouth*
Husband: Don’t. You’re the adult.
Anakin: How do we get in?
Obi-Wan: We’ll be stealthy.
*turns on huge, glowing laser sword*
*weighs self*
“Shit”
*takes clothes off*
“GODDAMMIT”
*takes tampon out*
Me, first week of school: I packed you a healthy lunch.
Me, one month later: They’re serving mini-corn dogs & pudding, you want school lunch today?
The best way to let someone know you hate them is to ask them to be in a wedding