Air conditioning so extreme, you could grow penguins in the living room.
You Might Also Like
Stop talking trash about marine life!
Sharks are POWERFUL
Whales are GENTLE
Crabs are RESOURCEFUL
Jellyfish are PEACEFUL
Octopi are VERY SMART
Tween: Mom, can you take me to the mall to go to Abercrombie?
Me: Awe, I used to shop there when I was your age.
Her: Are you even listening to me or are you just tweeting?
Me: Yes sweetie, I hate her too.
Opens a sperm bank that only accepts redheaded donors….
The Ginger Bred House.
Mom asked me if I would pick up some things for her at the ‘Dime Store’, great, now I’ve got to go all the way to the 70s.
PROPHET DANIEL: Behold! the fourth beast had ten eyes and ten horns. Even the horns had eyes
KING BELSHAZZAR: do you even hear yourself Dan
Trying to figure out if you practice the violin for many hours every day, or if you just have a really bad hickey.
For some reason people who say “Fight me!” never expect that first punch.
Adult me must concede that a major contributor to global warming was kid me leaving the front door open and heating the whole goddam world.