@donjuantip: ALCOHOL. Because no one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
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@stevevsninjas: Officer, this ticket says 1:59 am, but thanks to daylight savings, it's now 1:00. So slow down, TimeCop, I haven't committed the crime yet.
@raydevito: Watching cross country skiing is as entertaining as watching a person ride an elliptical
@3sunzzz: [notice son's not home] [text] Me: IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT! I SAID HOME BY 11! 17: You were my ride. Me: Oh. Where are you again?