@StinkyGr33n

All-day Christmas music at work, day 4:

Just Googled “Candy cane prison shank”

You Might Also Like

@ericsshadow

Interview:

“What’s your greatest weakness?”

*I look at my watch then lean in*

How much time do you have?

@ThRealBallsDeep

Me:Siri, why don’t I have any friends?
Siri:*shows me my Google search history*
M:Good call.

@Tmoney68

BREAKING: Emotionally disturbed man gets into Trump Tower.

He was stopped by security, but not before being named a senior advisor.

@Jamberee13

[first day in hell]

Me: oh is that a buffet of only gas station food?

Satan: *evil laughter* yes, and it’s all you shall ever eat for the rest of eternit—

Me: *already munching on a gas station taquito*

@james_comics

octopus: [spinning so fast it takes off]

me: [nodding] helicoptopus

@wizdom

Cop : “Lets Do a drug test” Me: “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”

@RedRegenerated

If you think today’s generation spend too much time playing video games, you should see how much time my generation spent just waiting for the games to load.