@StinkyGr33n
@ericsshadow
Interview:
“What’s your greatest weakness?”
*I look at my watch then lean in*
How much time do you have?
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@ericsshadow
@ThRealBallsDeep
Me:Siri, why don’t I have any friends?
Siri:*shows me my Google search history*
M:Good call.
@xJackooo_new
Tried a new approach oan the auld tinder
@Tmoney68
BREAKING: Emotionally disturbed man gets into Trump Tower.
He was stopped by security, but not before being named a senior advisor.
@DurtMcHurtt
If you know a girl who uses metric I’d love to meter.
@Jamberee13
[first day in hell]
Me: oh is that a buffet of only gas station food?
Satan: *evil laughter* yes, and it’s all you shall ever eat for the rest of eternit—
Me: *already munching on a gas station taquito*
@james_comics
octopus: [spinning so fast it takes off]
me: [nodding] helicoptopus
@Shen_the_Bird
doctor: i’m sorry [consoling my family] he’s going to live
@wizdom
Cop : “Lets Do a drug test” Me: “Cool, which drugs are we testing?”
@RedRegenerated
If you think today’s generation spend too much time playing video games, you should see how much time my generation spent just waiting for the games to load.