@Lisacossey1

All great love* stories** start with 2 people meeting.

Murder* documentaries**

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@geowizzacist

‘It’s finally happened,’ I say as my handwriting deteriorates to the point where I can’t read it. ‘I’ve become a doctor.’

@iGreenMonk

Working on my new book, “How to Get Through Life Without Reading.”

@tarashoe

i love nature 🙂 sittin in grass, soakin up sun, listenin to all those weird ringtones that come from those animals in the trees or whatever

@heyitsJudeD

Me: why don’t you go and play with Jack?

3yo: no, I like playing with myself

Me: er, by, you like playing BY yourself…

@jessokfine

Bread pudding is not a dessert. it is just wet bread. do not fall for this scam. Resist.

@DanMentos

friend: I have cancer
me: (remembering that laughter is the best medicine) lol

@MichaelTrying

Roe v Wade is my favorite bitter controversy about the best way to cross a small river.

@reallifemommy3

I asked my kid to sweep the floor and she said “Okay, but only if I can mop too”, so now I need to figure out whose baby I accidentally took home from the hospital

@AbbieEvansXO

Date: I love car chase action scenes

Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we’re done here