all I wanna do is
[gunshot noise]
[gunshot noise]
[gunshot noise]
[gunshot noise]
[gunshot noise]
move to a safer neighborhood

You Might Also Like


paul mccartney: all the lonely people, where do they all come from? all the lonely people, where do they all belong?

[from back of the room]: twitter


doctor: im afraid u only have a few minutes left to live

me: [sobs] oh my god are u sure

doctor: [pulls out gun] im totally sure


a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:10:”tracy_marq”;s:5:”image”;s:59:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/1959113727/cb_bigger.jpg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:17:”82926390600663040″;s:7:”retweet”;s:3:”281″;s:5:”tweet”;s:78:”If my dad were alive today he would say, “Tracy stop telling people I’m dead”.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}


Kids: *doing something they shouldn’t*

Me: Stop or I’ll be mad

Kids: *keep doing it*

Me: Stop or Mom will be mad

Kids:*stop immediately*


Once again I’ve managed to poke myself in the eye with my own finger like my eyes have not been in the same goddamn spot for forty five goddamn years.


Stranger adds me to facebook
*has a panic attack*

Creepy as hell stranger follows on twitter
*does victory dance*


Wife*comes home*: What’s that noise?
Me: U said to give Tim an anvil
Wife: ADVIL! He should be in bed
Me: but..he’s almost finished my sword


A guy just made fun of me for buying wine coolers at the store. I’m wearing crocs with socks and that’s what you’re going to make fun of?


Her- um.. why are you wearing a Darth Vader mask?

Me- you said lets do Yoda together