TOP STORY: Do websites create articles with lists and arbitrary numbers to get you to click through? Here are 15 examples you wont believe
All I’m saying is adults don’t tiptoe nearly as much as Saturday morning cartoons led me to believe.
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You hate me: I’m the person that gets stuck in the slide at a water park. Everyone smashes into the back of me and we ooze down the slide in a sad people pile. I’m so sorry.
It’s amazing what happens when you take a little time to get to know someone.
They become even more annoying.
Her: You haven’t moved in days.
Me: We’re on this rock hurtling through space at 70,000 miles per hour.
Me: Seems like enough movement, don’t you think?
God I’m so stupid I was looking all over for my car keys, turns out they were on my head the entire time.
Dust bunnies are great pets because they thrive on neglect.
Writing about 2 dinosaurs who hate crime. They make motorcycles & badges from the meteorite that killed their dino buds. Called TriceraCOPS!
Cop: I’m gonna need to see your ID.
George Washington: *hands him a one dollar bill*
Cop: Bribery huh!? Ok, outta the car!
damn girl are you calculus because I have no idea what youre talking about
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me 4,917 times and you’re probably my kids.