All I’m saying is, maybe the designers of this statue could have worked a little harder to find an inspiring Rod Serling quote.
You Might Also Like
Looking like shit greatly increases your chances of seeing someone you know at the store by 90%.
Shoutout to the toothpaste stain on my shirt for making it appear that I had a WAY better time this morning than I actually did.
When McDonalds drive thru say they ain’t got what you want but youre stuck in the line- is this the walk of mcshame?
Starbucks Manager: I wish I could contact my dead grandma somehow
Me: I can put you in touch with a medium
Starbucks Manager: A what
Bakery worker: Can I get you something?
Me: [staring at case full of pies] No thanks, I’m just window eating.
“I’d tap that.”
– Morse code operatives flirting.
Me: I can’t work today. There’s a huge ball of fire emitting deadly radiation.Boss: You can’t skip work because it’s sunny.
I flirt with the devil from time to time just to let him know what he’s what missing.
I broke up with my high school girlfriend because I’m a nerd and she was a cheerleader, we were just wrong for each other. Also I never asked her out or even spoke to her, poor girl didn’t even know I existed.
Why did they call it ‘Rambo: First Blood Part 2’ instead of ‘Rambo: Second Blood’? That’s some bullshit right there.
GOD: u wanna go back to earth?
JESUS: why
GOD: to absolve man of sin
JESUS: ehh
GOD: you’d get two birthdays
JESUS: let me get my coat
The concept of “raining men” is a terrible thought and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened in 2020.
I would’ve been here sooner, but I was holding the door for a Canadian that insisted I go first.
That kid that said “if the teacher doesnt show up in 15 minutes, we are legally allowed to leave” is in prison now.
Me: I’ll never get married again!
Husband:
where did you get them pants?
[wife goes to answer but stops then narrows her eyes] you’re not going as me for halloween again are you?
The neighbors left a perfectly good doll at the curb with their trash and I’ve seen enough horror movies to know to leave it there.
Tom work hard.
Tom tired.
Tom need break.
Tom book Caribbean vacation.
Tom Cruise.
You know what really boils my piss? The pissboiler2000 from JML.
My cousin Clevis says he can cure people of overeating. For $50 a day, he’ll follow you around, and any time he sees you with junk food, he’ll stab you with a fork.
He calls it “snackupuncture.”
[team dumps Gatorade on head coach after victory but head coach just happens to be the Wicked Witch of the West]
COACH: you idiots *melts*
Today I got yelled at by a bird. I don’t even speak bird.
Pro Tip: don’t buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
“I left my carrot cake from the restaurant in the Uber” and other sad tales of city living.
the olympics are held once every 4 years.. hell even im not held that often!!!!!
edibles don’t work unless you talk shit about them first LMAO
*finds all 7 dragonballs
*dragon appears* “WHAT IS YOUR WIS…OH GODDAMMIT CHAD, FOR THE LAST TIME I CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE RESPECT NICKELBACK”
*sits the ceo of ziplock down in an empty room* I have someone I’d like you to meet. *sits down the person in charge of cereal packaging* Figure it out.
My 10 yr old googled how many states are in Oregon so I guess geography skills are like genetic or whatever
When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.