Me: Sorry I have terrible anxiety and get picnic attacks.
Her: You mean panic attacks?
Me: *pulling basket out* Oh god make it stop
All my life, I never thought I’d wake up at 6am to go jogging…and I was right.
You Might Also Like
Granny always said, ‘If in doubt, check it out.’
My addition: ‘If the answer gets your goat, punch ’em in the throat.’
Directions: Allow food to sit and cool for five minutes before eating.
I can’t take anymore of this 50 Shades of Grey promo. It’s still your basic Cinderella story. Now she just has a ball gag.
robbed a bank just to hear someone call me a person of interest
“Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated.”
Thank you news-anchor. It’s my first summer.
*eats entire box of Triscuits*
*poops out a wicker chaise lounge*
Show me a woman in a Tweety Bird t-shirt and I’ll show you a woman who shoplifts in the grocery store.
Me: what make of dog is that?
Me [hands on knees]: I am, I’m just out of breath cos I ran over to ask what make of dog that is
Let me make something perfectly clear.
– Anyone who has washed a window