@TheIronSherk

Almost went outside without my phone and now I know what it’s like to lose your child at the mall

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@solsayswhaaa

I sexually identify as that one flickering letter on the neon motel sign.

@mama_earp

Announced sternly to students today that “only hard things are worth doing!” In other news, I have a bunch of parent emails to respond to.

@ThisOneSayz

Things that are terrifying:

A snake on my hike
Clowns
My 3yo saying: ‘member your dark red lipstick that I like to draw with?

@beefman138

I’m beginning to think that some of you aren’t really pretending to be crazy.

@Shock_Monster

Sure, Canada, feel safe now while US is just after oil.

Wait ’til we run low on beer, ice, hockey players & f’d up ways to pronounce words.

@GoldenSpirals

My neighbour left her outdoor stereo blaring & went out for the night. I now have a set of speakers for sale, minus the wires. Call me.

@jergarl

My 7yo has a friend over and I’m pretty sure he learned how to whisper during a hurricane.

@SCbchbum

You’re not allowed to be an eyewitness on the news unless you’re the most confused person at the scene.

@TheNYAMProject

My kitten runs away when the kids come near her, and now I’m mad that I never thought to try that myself.