*hires sky writer to propose to psychic girlfriend*
WILL YOU MARRY ME
*2nd planes flies by 5 seconds later*
an advice to every dad,if you wanna see your children just turn the router off,they will suddenly appear.btw ur neighbor might come as well.
You Might Also Like
If I pick you up hitchhiking and you haven’t murdered me in the first 25 miles, that’s the end of the free ride, bud.
“You saw nothing.”
-me, to the neighbor kids about the toy I just shoved in the trash
SAVAGE AF LMAOOOOOO
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn’t walk to the donut shop.
Wilderness survival tip #32: To deter bears from attacking your tent, simply sprinkle your neighbor’s campsite with bacon powder.
Day 4 of quarantine – my dog wants me to go to work
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but alcohol makes ugly people pretty.
[first day as a train conductor]
coworker: you the new guy?
me: yeah, i guess you could say i’m in train-ing
me: so far this job is off the rails
me: so what do you guys do to let off steam
coworker: [sighing] okay that one was pretty good