“y2k” making us anxious
“k” making us anxious
An alien makes contact. I take it home, give it a sandwich. Then ice cream. And then, to show we’re an advanced race, an ice cream sandwich.
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yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
Me (to a baby): Hush little baby don’t say a word. Momma’s gonna buy you a mocking bird
Mom: like hell I’ll buy that kid anything..
FYI fellas: if u wake up with some chick and u can’t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They’ll write her name on the cup for ya!
-Whoa! Have you seen that big herd of bees outside?
-Not *herd* of bees.
-You’ve not heard of bees? They’re flying things with stings.
-I know, but it’s swarm!
-*sweating* I know, it’s boiling! But I’m not opening the window til that herd of bees has gone.
My son will never know the thrill of illegally downloading Thong Song on napster and waiting 1h39m for it to download
You can tell a dad’s age by counting the number of hours he arrives early to the airport for a flight.
If I put on a latex glove and snap it, that’s just me flirting
How do you know your man is cheating?
When he drives by her place the wifi connects
Him: I’m leaving you.
Me: [can’t hear him because I’m trying to breakdance in my bubble wrap suit]