An app that detects itself running on other people’s phones, then both devices play Random Encounter music. What happens next is up to you.
You Might Also Like
Facebook: Here’s some other people you might know
Me: Oh yes! I do know them!
Facebook: Do you want to add them as friends? 🙂
Me: oh God no
The Matrix described 1999 as the peak of human civilization and I laughed because that would obviously not age well but then the next 23 years happened and now I’m like yeah okay maybe the machines had a point
don’t eat yellow snow is a pretty sound rule but i would warn against eating any kind of weather
*loudly introduces everyone to the elephant in the room
These teenagers down at the skate park will boost my self-esteem.
Airlines: “here’s the easiest way to get on and off the plane. We do this all day every day.”
Passengers: “wait, I have a another idea!”
I could finish folding this laundry much faster if the cat would stop “helping”!
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself:
“I’m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute.”
Me: Come on eat that.
Miss 10: I don’t want it, it makes me want to throw up.
[Sees my face].
10: In a good way.
Whoever’s responsible for the Microsoft outage is getting fired anyway, so the smart thing to do would be knock Teams out for the day too and leave a hero.
Spice up your life. If an insecure person asks if you’re mad at them, always answer “I don’t know.”
A grown man smelling like baby powder stood next to me today.
My maternal instincts have never been so confused.
The reason I don’t like costume parties is the bit two hours in when you’re listening to your friend talking about her mum’s dementia and you’re dressed as Mario.
I said it was okay to come by my house. I didn’t say you could stop.
Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinnydipping for me 🙁
I might use a few or 30 filters, but have never tried to pass someone else’s photos off as me.
Even when my first avi here was a pug, I let people know that I wasn’t really a pug
BABY COW: [points at human] What’s that?
OLDER COW: That is a milk dracula
For a petite woman my wife snores like a downshifting Mack truck.
When I was having an affair with twins, people used to ask how I told them apart. Well, Sue had brown eyes and Steve had a moustache.
[meets a cute girl from Scotland]
“Ummm hi your people make fantastic tape”
I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today”
I wonder how long it will be before “You look like a million bucks” is an insult. #inflation
A movie so damn long that you’re called for a Covid booster shot halfway through it.
Me: What’s the first step of fire safety?
4-year-old: Stay away from dragons.
Me:
4:
Me: Well, obviously.
“We only had 5 channels and no remote” is the new “I walked uphill both ways, barefoot to school when I was a kid.”
boat question
Just realized I get most of my upper body strength from shredding cheese.
[looks at text from 2 days ago]
Me: Sorry about your car, do you still need a ride home?
You never get a second chance to make a first impression…
…and so I bite.