Ancient Chinese proverb:

man who go to bed with itchy bottom, wake up with smelly finger.

You Might Also Like


DR DOG: *applying a cast to a broken bone* Are you sure you don’t just want me to cut it off?


to stop shrinking
???? ?? ?? ???? ??
?? ???? ?? ???????? ??????


“Wow there are a lot of non-brown people in Gaza.” – anyone tuning into Ferguson coverage late


[father and son riding bikes together]

dad, how’d you get so good?

[doing a wheelie] I’ve had a lot of DUIs


I call McDonald’s to make a reservation for Valentine’s Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone


if anyone starts quoting the bible to you, a funny thing to yell is “NO SPOILERS I HAVEN’T READ IT YET”


my 3yo (to an old woman holding a sphinx cat and only a sphinx cat): I really like your bag.


I went deep sea fishing once and caught what I thought was a marlin, but was actually a catfish with a party hat glued to its face.


I’ve been at this elementary school talent show for half an hour and I’ve already heard “Shake It Off” 137 times.