if I accidentally respond “you too” after a fast-food clerk tells me to enjoy my meal, I shove some fries in their mouth so it isn’t awkward
“And then we’ll have the throat hole open up and a rectangle candy will drop from it. Kids will love it.” ~ Inventors of Pez dispensers.
You Might Also Like
My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That’s why I take so many naps.
And in conclusion, may I say that black robe is very slimming on you, Your Honor. And I’ve never seen a bigger gavel.
If you get baby fever, do you have to take baby aspirin?
Don’t talk to me until after I’ve had my breakfast beer
Nobody has ever believed in me as much as the chef at this food cart who just handed me a burrito not wrapped in foil.
“Who peed in here and didn’t flush?” is the new “good morning” in my house…
How do I rate our solar system?
When the party host collects everyone’s coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.