“Toy Story 4”: Woody and Buzz discover their teddy bear friend is really a NannyCam; they must murder him to protect the secret of the toys.
Answers phone, makes modem noises…
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JOHN LENNON: Love is all you need
ME: This guy knows what it’s all about
JOHN LENNON: I am the egg man coo coo ca chu
ME: OK scratch that
When pigs fly they will have the most delicious wings.
Whenever I feel like sad I just think of this interaction.
[alien in starbucks to make a cash withdrawal]
well, the name is misleading tbh
Hug your teenagers today. In all likelihood they’ll be mortified by it and you can enjoy that sweet, albeit brief, victory.
New sheets new sheets watcha gonna do whatcha gonna do when I sleep in you
my retainer gives me the weirdest lisp
I bought a used UPS truck. It gets poor gas mileage but I can park anywhere.
If you’re going to insult the Amish, do it to their face. You kinda have to. They’re never gonna see it online.