Any body can be a summer body if it’s discovered between the months of June and September
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I haven’t exaggerated in over 370 years.
“Red Hot Riding Hood” (1943)
A sequence so famous (or infamous, if you’re the censors) that it’s been replicated, homaged or outright ripped off in countless pieces of animation. The reaction shots of the Wolf are still as funny as they were 80 years ago.
A possum broke into an Australian bakery and ate so many pastries it couldn’t move. This is how they found him.
Day 302 of my husband and I both working from home:
Me: *tapes note to microwave reminding coworkers to PLEASE CLEAN UP SPILLS THIS MICROWAVE IS FOR THE WHOLE OFFICE
just found out I have poison ivy and the doctor gave me steroids so I guess now the plan is to get super jacked and go back and fight that plant
I #respectfully #trot when you let me cross the street in front of you. I salute the #power of the automobile.
You can tell me any plot of land is an acre and I will have no choice but to believe you.
Do regular squirrels think flying squirrels are super heroes??!
*stands on scale at doctor’s office*
*takes off coat*
*empties pockets*
*shaves eyebrows*
Memes like this are the reason I still use social media.
popcorn, or as cerebral smart minds such as myself refer to it ‘popped corn’, is the number #1 food of watching things
Had a breakthrough with my therapist yesterday.
Never seen a man cry like that before.
The yogurt was so far back in the cooler at the store, I almost ended up in an Aha video.
[aliens talking]
“They call it a sel-fee”
A photograph of oneself?
“Sometimes several”
But why?
“We have one theory”
Go on
“They’re idiots”
Husband: I love everything about you.
Me: Even my toe hair?
H: What toe hair?
Me: *tears up* That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.
Please enter new password
Me: Candy123
Password shouldn’t be similar to previous password
We recommend this password
J:$aBhh?/@‘c,2.”1f3&,0LP?!477F.91$uMe: Candy123!
Depression ads overestimate my need to hike.
is it earth
I’m no fan of watching a train wreck, unless that train is pulling boxcars full of delicious delicious Raisin Bran®️
A near death experience but it’s just me waiting for my 7yo to pick out a souvenir
me: uhhh what did you do?
9: [frantically trying to wash his blue colored hands] nothing. I did nothing!
Any sink has a garbage disposal if you push hard enough.
I just saw a poster that said “have you seen this man?” With a number to call… So I called the number and told them “No.”
I’m not alone. I have ants.
My stepmother asking me exactly how many chicken nuggets to make for my kids like lady it could be 15 or 0 do I look like some kind of psychic
My 3 year old reported seeing a spider-cricket and I couldn’t find it so we’re outside watching the house burn.
Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery…
Matthew: “Can I get three loaves of bread please?”
Baker: “What type do you want sir?”
Matthew: “All rye, all rye, all rye.”
Shout out to the pack of wolves that raised me to be the lady I am today.
Please, Daddy was my father. Call me Son
People that drive Jeeps will always make a point on how rugged their vehicle is by putting one wheel up on the sidewalk