According to my current parking spot I’m a physician
Any dog can be a guide dog if you don’t care where you’re going
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My dog just ate a butterfly and probably saved Tokyo from a tidal wave. I don’t understand science.
“I’m here for the blood.”
So glad I finally got around to correcting that spelling mistake I made to the girl I fancied 8 years ago
*bursts into English convention*
GRAB ALL THE STUFF YOU CAME WITH THE BUILDING’S ON FIRE
Christ. THE STUFF WITH WHICH YOU CAME
Her: What did you mean when you said, “rub it for good luck”?
Rabbit (nervously): …I was talking about my foot
Study: People with children live longer.
People with children: Shit.
Imagine you playing dead and the shooter yells out “tickle all the dead bodies”
*takes a sip*
this wine has a full body, hint of honey, and a rich pallet.
“sir that’s windex.”
yes, yes, ill take a bottle.
nicole kidman please name your next child Teendude