me (tenting fingers): how can we make this deal work
cashier: you give me $7.48
me (sliding him a $20 bill): how about now?
cashier: $7.48 out of $20, $12.52 is your change. have a nice day
me (smirking): everybody wins
Anyway, I heard some “Norwegian black metal” today. Let’s just say there’s a reason no one ever built cities on it…
You Might Also Like
Bobby Flay’s sister is pretty big in the dessert game too. Sue Flay.
*Rides off into sunset
*Forgets phone charger
My 4-year-old sang in church for the first time.
So what if it was the wrong song?
There’s never a bad time for “We Will Rock You.”
My 6 year old nephew is legitimately pissed off that there is no actual monkey in the monkey bread.
Mummies are basically just zombie burritos.
“As first lady you would be responsible for the White House china. Any thoughts?”
MELANIA TRUMP: Oh, Donald says he’s getting rid of China
“You crazy kids sure get one hell of a sweet tooth during Halloween” I say pouring maple syrup into their bags…
Not a headline I thought I’d ever read.
“It’s the small things that make me happy” -enthusiastic microbiologist