My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can’t stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot.
Apes stopped waving at us ever since they found out we evolved from them
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As long as McDonald’s doesn’t make us pay with excercise.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
I’m black. I should be able to stick my finger in milk and make it chocolate milk. But evolution is bogus.
[reading message i found in a bottle that drifted onto the beach]
to myself: “updog.. what’s updog?”
[another bottle hits my foot]
Remember in your 20s when you sat upright to eat
Little known fact, Alvin wore the big A on his shirt because he slept around.
If every time someone asks you to do something you quietly gasp and whisper, “Like the prophecy foretold.” People stop asking you to do things.
“Hola! I’m Señor Coconut, children”
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
“Drink me. Drink me. I’m full of vitamins and minerals”
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?