All excellent questions
App: This app would like to use your location.
Me: NOT NOW I’M SITTIN’ ON THE TOILET!!
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You have to put a potato in the microwave to push the potato button. Other things dont turn into potatoes.
*brought to you by Bounty*
Why is an antelope a completely different animal instead of two ants who fall desperately in love and romantically run away together to make a new life for themselves?
5-year-old: What are Nazis?
Me: Bad people who we killed a long, long time ago
5: Why were they bad?
Me: They kept correcting our grammar
8-year-old: Are you making pizza for dinner?
8: Can you check again?
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Whenever someone asks how i’m doing & walks away before i answer..I write “GREAT” on the side of thier car with my keys!
*contemplates closet full of sweater vests* Okay, so I misjudged what to panic buy.
Lets make it happen guys!
*gets handed a Mario Kart controller at a party*
I don’t know guys, I’ve never done this before.
*straps on monogrammed driving gloves*