The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher.
Apparently fat people in scooters despise being called a cripple-potamous
You Might Also Like
Robin: Your ad says you’re looking for a side chick?
Robin: Close enough
[slowly removing special glasses]
Me (looking left): Bob, that eclipse was amazing
Bob (taps my right shoulder): Hey, I’m over here
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making.
After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
her: my baby was 8 pounds
me: oh you bought a british one?
Me: *applies temporary tattoos*
Mom: Unicorn tats?
Me: I’m in a gang.
Mom: Ha! With who, Lisa Frank?
Me: You just made a powerful enemy.
(Show and Tell)
TEACHER: What do you have to show today?
ME: My pet.
TEACHER: Let’s see it then.
ME: Okay! *opens window* CTHULHU!
*the earth begins to shake*
[first day as a tour guide]
me: most tourists visit madame tussauds but this is cheaper and more realistic
coroner: get out
Skeletor: Nice ride
Skeletor: Prince Adam has a pet tiger too
He-Man: Yeah? Complete different guy though
Whoever is training cashiers to hand change back with the coins on top of paper currency, stop.