Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.

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Hey vegans. Making a salad is not “cooking”. Making a salad is “assembling”.


Ever notice you can hardly touch something that just came off a grill, but yet a fly can land on that MFer like its room temperature?


Door says push.. I pull.. If it says pull I push.. I’m ether a hardcore Rebel or I need glasses…


I find that the secret to not being insecure is to just be better than everybody at everything while being incredibly good looking.


I’m at a stage in life where I still want to be sexy but


If by “eat clean” you mean “donuts in the shower”, then yes – I eat clean.


if potheads are lazy then why did I just go to my car to get a lighter?


I just made your acquaintance, and this is preposterous, but here is my address, perhaps thou shall mail me maybe.


a group of crows is a murder

a group of crows spaced evenly between two margins is a justified murder