“Sorry, I fail to see how I ‘misled’ you when my profile CLEARLY says I’m ‘a total cat person’?” – half-cat/half-person being after bad date
Apparently “The WiFi signal is the strongest there” isn’t the right answer when the boss asks “Why are you spending so much time in toilet?”
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I had to buy a voodoo doll of myself and rub its back.
Mike Pence has a strong resume, including Governor of Indiana and Shawshank Prison Guard. #VPDebate
A giant rabbit died on a United flight. One man is suspected of foul play. We tried to reach him for comment but he’s being vewy vewy quiet.
I don’t get why some girls don’t make airplane noises before putting their tampons in
I think I’m a genius…. I just solved a rubiks cube so fast!
It only took me 5 minutes and 25 seconds to peel off all the stickers.
Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web
Eats those guys
Don’t do that Spider-Man
if “Joker” had come out in 2020, it would be called “Normal Man”