@SoNotBrendan

Apple and Puma have developed smart track pants, they’re called iPumaPants.

You Might Also Like

@nerdjpg

It’s 2007. You’re working on a PowerPoint for school. It’s about ancient Egypt. You select the Papyrus font.

“Yes, Perfect”

@soulindivision2

I just want to meet my Doppelganger so I can kidnap them to experiment with hairstyles.

@zachreinert03

My ex claimed I had a ‘hero’ complex, but whatever I think wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants is a bold & brave fashion choice

@fro_vo

ME: how did you get disbarred
ATTORNEY: i gave kittens to all the jurors
ME: *gasps* you mean
ATTORNEY: that’s right, i *adjusts sunglasses* committed purr jury

@UnFitz

Her: You secretly think your taste in music is superior to everyone else’s.

Me: Secretly? No.

@DareDarilyn

Before being born, I wish I would have been able to select the difficulty level of my life.

@pilau

Relationships are minefields. Learn from me. Study. Engage. Other words that sound knowledgeable.

@FuckabillyRex

I get hit with a lot of folding chairs for someone that’s not a professional wrestler.