@Fred_Delicious

*approaches girl in bar*
*passes right through her*
*i’ve been dead for 73 years*

You Might Also Like

@BriarSlyMalice

HIM: My new girlfriend’s name is “Bella”. That means “Beautiful” in Italian.

ME: It also means “War” in Latin…so good luck with that.

@T_Bonezzz_

So, lemme get this straight…

Scooby-Doo can talk and help solve murders, but can’t go to the store and buy himself Scooby snacks??

@RobDenBleyker

Spider-Man reboots should start with the previous actor biting the new one as the origin story.

@squirrel74wkgn

“Sir, are you interested in the satellite radio upgrade?”

…uhhhh, for driving in space?

@fro_vo

[first date]
ME: are you having fun
DATE: yes i am
ME: *hands menu back to waiter* i will also have the fun

@DestineyLynn

*Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall*

Well… sounds like a problem for the next person.

@sheekaxo

Threw some protein bars in the trash & now the raccoons are bench pressing my neighbors Great Dane in the backyard.