@shutupmikeginn: "Are you already hot as shit? Then you'll look hot as shit in our glasses" - Every glasses ad
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@daemonic3: "KIDS, GET YOUR SHOES ON WE'RE LEAVING FOR SCHOOL IN SIX HOURS!!!" -- Centipede parents
@bngzyface: [At the gym] Him: Time for crunches. Me: *Already shoving Doritos into my mouth* Way ahead of you.
@KKBowls: Instead of politely knocking on the bathroom door, my kid attacks the door like a rookie DEA agent on his first raid