@TNeenan

ARTICLE: How, at the age of just 22 did this man…

ME: Is it rich parents?

ARTICLE: … Yeah.

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@PinkCamoTO

Pac Man is my favourite video game about my life.

It keeps getting harder and I can’t stop eating everything in sight.

@TheMichaelRock

I’m sorry I tweeted about the same topic as someone else, but in my defense, I haven’t read the entire internet yet.

@Rollinintheseat

I hate it when I sit down on a warm public toilet seat and I have to set myself on fire.

@sammyrhodes

Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret.

@Prof_Hinkley

The worst part about insomnia is having to eat spiders while conscious

@RobinMcCauley

A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.

@rachellinfox

When I was young I wanted to date a doctor for money.
Can you believe how superficial I was?!?
Now I would date him for the prescriptions.

@TheNardvark

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